my big test may come today

So supposedly today the bank (this is the 5th one my sweetheart has applied to)
will tell us whether our application for a marine mortgage has been accepted.

Personally I feel that it would be better NOT to get one, but to sell the boat that my sweetheart built with a few others, and just get out of debt! He thinks that he will be able with investing more money in building a skiff and rehanging a net, and more work on the boat, and fishing it, to possibly pay off MOST all our debt. Well, we could win the lottery (if we bought any tickets) too. Though my honey does have a lot of skill and endurance plus what it takes, still, it takes the fish COMING back to the area, the boat not having any difficulties, no whales ripping the net up (yes it happened last year!) and a crew who will get along with each other and obey the rules etc plus they need skills, strength and endurance too!

I'm working so hard to accept and work for a win/win with whatever happens, but it is SO HARD if it means my sweetheart will be working loooonnnngggg hours again, and under such stress clear through till spring when he would ten take off for AK, where I will hardly get to see him for months (unless I spend $ for expensive airlines tickets, and getting sea sick and in the way etc)

Soooo, sigh, I'm not looking forward much to today. I think this has been the cause of my depression-- situational. Gods' will be done! Let me find a silver lining!