I had been looking for "Mr. Right" for years- though I had decided I wouldn't get married until I was 23, (the age my mother married at) unless the perfect man for me came along, and everything worked out perfectly.
Well I got married at 21, because I did find him, and the things I was looking for were seen in him.
a. Healthy male of marriageable age (these days it seems some do not take sex difference as a given)
b. He was a worthy member of my faith, (Mormon) and a returned missionary.
c. He was morally pure and wanted me (big deal here!) as his eternal mate.
d. We wrote weekly PLUS letters,(sent talk tapes too when that wasn't enough) for six months before we ever met.
e. He was honest, a hard worker, had plans and dreams that I could see myself in
f. He had the ability to provide safety (like he made a fire FIRST when a group of us went to the snow- so there would be a way to get warm BEFORE anyone got too cold.
g. He was fun to be around and made my life happier just to know he was in the world.
h. We planned to spend the rest of our earthly life together, and then into eternity together as Mormons have "Eternal Marriage" not-- "until death do you part"-- as the priesthood power of sealing on earth would be sealed in heaven as Given to Peter, has been restored with our church.
So-- now my husband is at retirement age, and I love him more than ever!- but there is a little problem here. His drive (read work-aholic) has kept us apart for I figure for at least 1/3 or more of the usual time a husband and father is home, and it looks like he may leave this life "in the work harness" -- while I feel I have been "put on hold" -- with "later we will ..." do that.
So we did get to go on 3 family vacations over our 40 years of married life, once to each USA Disneyland and once to Hawaii-- though he joined us there (from work) and then only spent ONE night and left for work :( )
We also got to go as a couple on three special times (OK, one was our honeymoon, another was REALLY a work related thing so I was a sideline, and the third was a second honeymoon that my mother helped us do, and she babysat our four kids-- because she was worried we rarely had time together (boy was she right)!
I know my sweetheart loves me, and he does not mean to neglect me-- I just think he loves working more-- I mean it is pretty hard to compete with his works, where he is on the leading edge, captain of his own fishing vessels, boss with such great experience and skill that he is hardly questioned on what he wants etc.
My problem is that it is my understanding that we were/are supposed to be partners for eternity, but when do I get to be put before work? Work trumps everything it seems.
Now our kids are all married and have kids of their own, but my sweetheart is working even more. Since November he has worked out of town all week, barely come home on Sat. night, then gone to church with me on Sunday (what a blessed day!) and usually headed back after church to the work site to be ready for Monday-- and he did that till spring when he REALLY went out of state, and I only got to see him when I flew to join him on the ship.
Even on the ship with him-- he was so busy that I barely saw him (OK, it is not his fault that I usually get sea sick unless the water is flat calm-- like a mirror!) To get a chance to talk with him, I would hang out behind him when he was at the helm (flat calm weather only) and try to talk over the noise of the twin engines.
Meal times usually had the crew shoulder to shoulder with us, and a couple of times we got to take a walk together on shore to go buy things the boat needed. I did what I could to make myself useful on board. I hand sewed curtains (sun glare is not good in the land of the midnight sun!) from a sheet I put on board- along with other things for decorating the boat or to use. I made bread, and did laundry, I cleaned and answered the radio (OK- mostly ran to tell my sweetheart someone was calling on the radio :) and I even mended net and did some wheel watches.
Anyway-- why am I writing this now-- I suppose it is to put my frustrations and dreams in writing-- isn't that somehow supposed to make them more valid? I do believe that things will work out for the best, I just pray that my sweetheart will choose to spend time with me BEFORE he is so old he can't even get around in a wheel chair (from which I really think he might keep working!). -- So I am working to trust God, and do a better job of communicating to my eternal mate that it is MY TURN for some more of his time.
He is a great father, and husband and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else, but it seems I am alone a LOT-- but not single. I'm so thankful for his phone calls (mostly they are out of range of ANY cell towers though :(-- and he told me he did write me a letter-- but I'm hanging out at our oldest sons (4 grandkids here:) as I was getting depressed, unable to do the things alone, that I would rather do with him (like move mattresses sets upstairs-- it is still in the hallway) do some much needed painting on the house-- or how about a real vacation :)!
Well, he SAYS he is burned out and that we will go back east to the church history sites this fall, but I am working to not get expectations-- as I've been disappointed so often before.
Somehow, I trust things WILL work out ok-- without that hope-- what joy or peace is there?
I try to look at others challenges (health crisis, war, famine, divorce etc) and I feel like a wimp to not be satisfied with the wonderful life I have. So I will pray more and keep the faith!
May God bless us to know that as we keep his commandments that all things will turn to our good.
I'm still alive
1 year ago