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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My 63rd birthday was yesterday- A NEW year!

So, here I am, awake since about 3;30, and I have checked facebook, and my email, and still I am not sleepy. My Dear Husband is working on our fishing boat, F/v Liahona, in AK, and I miss him SOOOO much.
--- I am blessed to have family in this big old house though for a month and a half of their career transition time, our daughter Lori, her sweet husband and four children, ages, 6, just barely 5, next going on 4 and the youngest is 18 months. They give me joy and more purpose to my life.
--- So yesterday my daughter and her husband spent most of the day helping my brother paint walls and ceiling in his Bed and Breakfast, and they had the little ones there, as I had not been able to sleep the night before, and so was no use.
``` When they got home, I was feeling better, and THEY were super tired. I was able to step up and help then, when the youngest needed his diaper changed and was crying as his little sit down was burned from the runs, and my daughter and her hubby were feeling totally fatigued. I got him in the tub and let the warm water run down him, though the tears were still running down his face, I'm sure it felt better than if we had used the cold baby wipes to wipe the poo off. Poor baby!
--- I felt so happy to be helping and needed. The little sweethearts come to me too when they need help, and let me cuddle them and listen to them.
---- I have learned some about Attention Deficit Disorder with Anxiety-- and it has been suggested that I have had that challenge to deal with (learn from by conquering it?) AND that there are new medications that could help me. I have felt that most of the time in m life, it has been like trying to move through knee deep molasses, as it is often so hard to just GET moving, and to keep going, while it seems others just practically dance along and do things with a breeze.
--- It was hard for me in school, where I did ALL of my homework and school work religiously (for a member of my faith- that means MY BEST!) but still I never could make the honor roll. I felt I must be below normal in intelligence-- but now with this info-- maybe it was my body being "wired" a little inaccurately, and so it couldn't utilize the amino acids etc in the way it should have been able to, that help with restful sleep, energy, ability to focus and understand easily that most people can do.
--- I am hopeful that WHEN I can find a good doctor, and as long as we have enough money to not go into the red to pay the Dr. bills (no health insurance- as we usually don't get sick and just haven't been able to afford it!) that I will be getting some help! YEA!!!
--- What an amazing thing it would be to have more energy and not fight depression, but even not stress over trying to make a meal come out the right temp. and all on the table at the same time. (one coping skill has been for me to make "one dish" meals - or do things ahead- like the salad etc :) it really saves the stress!
--- Yet my dear husband just does it all at the same time and enjoys it! I have tried to work with him in the kitchen, and I have some, but mostly he can do things so fast and knows just what to do, that I am just in the way!
--- I had hoped that just taking the amino acids as supplements would solve my blocks, but it has not worked so far. It is so encouraging to think something may really help! Sharaterra (I think that is how to spell it?) is a fairly new medicine, I understand is not addicting, nor something that makes you "high" or mind altering, and does not really do anything unless your body NEEDS it, and has VERY few side effects (liver monitoring is necessary) but still is expensive. :(
-- It looks like it may cost at least $100 dollars for a months supply of the lowest level of the medication :(.
Well, "if it is right to do, there will be a way to do it!" is what my mothers mother used to say, and I believe that. :)

------- So I understand that there are things that are so stressful that especially if you have to deal with several in your life, they can cause depression,

and if you ALSO have some chemical/physical reasons that your body(mind- they ARE connected :) ) does not cope

that it is really REALLY R E A L L Y hard.

So I was thinking about the stresses in my life over the last few years. Here is a list of SOME of what has been happening in my life.

1. Business bankruptcy and lost 95% of our life's assets
2. Moved from town we had lived in for over 25 years- to two states away into 5th wheel, for seven months then "bought" with mortgage, a very needy fixer upper, and worked to make it work while living in it.
3. Death of mother in law
4 Suicide of father in law
5 death of my own mother
6. More business reversals, some relief with Social Security and Gods blessings! (thank goodness for food storage!)
7. Back and forth temp. moves between the two states to take care of the above
8. Invested time & inheritance from father in law & our IRAs etc in building a boat
9. Couldn't get boat mortgage which used to be easy but not under Obama :(
10 Cannery defaulted on agreements with us, and so we couldn't meet boat debts
11 boat wouldn't sell when finally listed for sale right before next fishing season
10. Husband leaves to fish in AK for six months-
12. properties still haven't sold though listed at banks demands,
13. Unethical lawyer after us
14 lost health insurance

PLUS some of my physical challenges;
a. fibromyalgia (sp?- the whole body aches most all the time, but worse some times!)
b. low thyroid
c. Hypoglycemia
d. depression struggles
e. insomnia

BUT I believe we came to this life to learn from experiences trials suited to what we need to learn (so Maybe I needed to learn a LOT? ;0)

I know that I have come to trust my Father in Heaven MORE, as we struggle through the challenges we have had (having my husband often not even in phone access is hard)

I have been blessed with a great supportive family (our kids and their spouses and my bothers and sisters -- my hubby has none :(
and my Religion is a HUGE help, as is paying tithing, which I think helps us to have what we NEED and even often some of what I want but don't REALLY need. :)

The priesthood, (which is the power of God to bless our lives as in the Bible), has helped with blessings by the laying on of hands on my head and words of inspiration and comfort given to the priesthood holder to bless me in the hardest trials!

We have working vehicles, and food storage, and we live in the country with the most blessings and freedoms and in a state that is safer than many. Our health is quite good and because of our obedience to church teachings, we are not addicted to alcohol, tobacco, caffeine nor any drugs or pornography etc. :)

Our children are all righteous and responsible adults, raising our wonderful grand-kids, and they are often able to give us needed support. :)

I am greatly blessed and life is good. Knowing the purpose of life sure helps!