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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Epifinay this morning of wether to go to AK or not

It started as I have lately felt so stalled/stuck/unmotivated/undirected as it seemed life was happening TO me, and that I didn't get to choose, but just kept being dragged along willy/nilly.

-- which THAT then caused me depression- helpless- hopeless and so frustrated-- trying to downsize "things" (sell property etc) and get back to basics, learn to be more self reliant, and produce what we need to live on, but things aren't selling etc. Even with having signed real estate papers to sell -- found the co had yet to write them up accurately and get them online, while I was feeling so desperate, I was ready to drop the price already as no offers yet!

So as I escaped into reading, feeling that I didn't want to DO anything of the things on my lists that I "should do" etc as it seemed they were probably just a waste of time, and we would
loose this home anyway- or rental 'guests' would destroy the things I was sharing, and disrupt the organization I created, while I wouldn't be here to re-organize nor had the money to hire others to.

Then of course I felt even WORSE- useless, wasted etc
(sure a good thing I don't drink or do drugs to escape!)

So waking this morning in the wee hours and unable to go back to sleep-- I thought maybe I wasn't asking myself the right questions- for this time?

How could I get the right answers to my problems, if I didn't have the right questions to start with???

So- that started me thinking about what was 'clutter' and what was really essential (with SOME few things for joy too ;)

I have come to this conclusion-- to ask these questions-- like even if it is something in my house, ( a lamp, a tool, a piece of furniture, a costume etc)

-------------------------------- the questions-- ---- in several forms ;0

Is this _____ helping or hindering me?
Does it make me happy- (not just fun- but celestial joy type happy)
Is it bringing me closer to God, or getting in the way?
Will this help my (and others) eternal progress or waste my time?

Isn't a "time waster" the ultimate cheat of life? Isn't "time" all we really have- that we can't regain or add to once it is gone?

Soooo- what is my work, my PURPOSE in life?
-- isn't it to do that good which is before me?
If Gods' work is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" -- then isn't mine to support that?
How is that done?
Isn't that what Jesus told his apostles to do?
Preach the gospel to all the world
(bring everyone to know Jesus Christ and get to choose to follow him or not?)
-- Soooo then how does that involve me?
My dear husband isn't ready (finances hang up) to go on a couple mission yet. He feels we need to fish commercially to get out of debt.
Still I can be a member missionary- a cyber missionary
---- A N D ---- what about the people who have died without knowing the Lord, or having the essential ordinance of baptism?
--- I promised my Father as he was dying that I would work to get his ancestors names, so we could get their baptisms done (baptism for the dead that only the reestablished gospel of Jesus Christ does) and their temple work done (marriages sealed and children sealed to them for time and all eternity).

NOW THIS feels like important work I can help with!

If I go on our commercial fishing boat to AK with my dear husband as he wants me to, what will my work be there? I'm a 62 year old grandmother- and just not up to hauling fish on board etc!

Yet, IF we have the internet, I can do family history and missionary work! :) I can stay connected with our kids too and even SKYPE!