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Monday, February 15, 2010

true needs, truely met = true happiness or otherwise NOT

Our True needs need to be Truly filled by right choices -- as anything less, though fast- will not really satisfy but cause sorrow sooner or later-- yet we can learn from our mistakes to repent and try again because God loves us and will help us choose the right.

I am thinking especially about the true need everyone has to be loved and to love others. It is so ironic to me that the much of the world seems to have gotten things so backward-

as to "not want to rush into marriage" but seem to have little if any qualms about rushing into the most intimate of all relations on first acquaintance even?

It seems like then when (if) they then get to know the other person better
and find out personalities and habits that are beyond their range of acceptance--

THEN they seem to think "good thing I didn't marry them"! Sheeish!

But the break up often causes painful emotional damage- as their hopes flew and then crashed and they also have exposed themselves and their loved ones to who knows what all!?

I try not to be devastatingly pained when it seems like people I care about are so 'crashing and burning" when I know how much they (and we all) truly need to love and be loved but they seem unable to do the "ground work" of taking the time to get their own lives in order, and get to know others over enough time and non intimate working and playing together- for so long that they are better than best friends.

Other wise it seems that both parties "project" onto the other the things they WISH were personal values and characteristics they desire in them- but they are blind to reality.

Unfortunately- studies show that when physical intimacy takes the stage, that the intelligence, vital discriminating powers and reasoning diminish to next to nothing.

I believe this is one of the reasons that our Heavenly Father has set in place his laws for us to NOT have intimate relations outside of legal, lawful marriage commitments- and that also seems traditionally to be done with the family approval- which sure seems like it would help avoid much pain.

Of course- many times- though you THINK you know another- and supposedly they have the same moral standards (same religious up bringing and commitment) it has been that either the other person changed, or that was a projection. Sigh.

So it comes down to- to take our time, date in groups to get to know others, and have some type of check list to keep reality engaged. Work with your other friends and family after spending time all together to see their "take".

Even when we do all that- if the other changes so much- as to force a divorce, as they are unwilling to work on the marriage--

our only comfort is that we can hopefully learn to do better next time,
to take longer to get to know them, their friends and family
and to see where our own weaknesses have made us blind

along with seeing what we need to do to strengthen ourselves to be a better us. We need to find work and service where we can get our needs met- so we do not feel desperate enough to seek intimacy before it is intelligent or righteous to do so.

These are my thoughts and deductions after over 61 years of life. I feel so blessed that I was taught true morals as a child and managed to keep on the side of right and also find person who wanted to partner in marriage with me, who had done the same- so we have "no ghosts" to come between us in our marriage.

We have had other problems- and challenges- but that is what we are here in this life to face- to learn from our challenges to make righteous choices that will lead us to become Christlike- and so be able to be like Jesus Christ when we leave this life. May we all be blessed to so do, and to help others with this goal too. I'm so thankful for the atonement and forgiveness, for prayer and the gospel of Jesus Christ that has been brought back to the earth in these latter-days with God speaking to prophets again.

The teachings in the restored gospel make sense out of the whole world, and bring me such comfort that I don't know how others deal with life without this knowledge.

I want always to share with any who will listen, and I pray that I can be a good example so they will see that what I have to share is of great worth. I declare these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. (I have written this in one sitting with out editing- so forgive any grammatical errors etc-- but I hope and pray that you can feel the truth).

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