Well, now it is March 11, 2012 almost 4am Sunday morning. I finally got over the stomach pain, as I worked to not stress but let go and let God. Also my nephew seems to have realized that his spewing of anti LDS stuff (which seemed barely re-packaged)was not helping his stated goal, because he loves us- to get any of us to leave the faith, but only causing me (at least) to see more clearly that his leaving seems to have left him with being less Christlike in his actions (while one after another asked to be deleted from his "messages"). Anyway-- may God bless him, and us all, to seek truth and love one another in our lives as Christ loves us. So-- not very long after that stress was sinking over the horizon-- it seems that the stress of the fishing season was looming over my head and I still could not choose which was the lessor evil of what I saw as my only two choices. 1) Go on the fishing boat with my husband as I did summer before last-- which SO did not work out, as he was so intense actually catching fish, or looking for fish to catch, or fixing gear to catch fish, or delivering fish, or sleeping so he could have energy to catch fish! I think he would have paid more attention to me if I were a fish! (as a young girl I wished I was a mermaid ;)I know he felt he was doing it for us, but I felt there were many other ways to make/save money! 2) So last summer I didn't go fishing, but stayed home and tried to keep busy. I actually drove our car across several states (me alone in the car but following friends in their car) but that house was just as empty/lonely as our dwelling in WA. I actually then moved us (a first without my Dear Husband) from the larger 3 story home, into a much smaller with a basement, that didn't have a huge canal on one side, an irrigation ditch on the opposite side and MAIN street (even so named!) in front, with no fence- so there was naturally serious concern for the danger to our active little grandchildren when they would come visit. It was great to get into the smaller easier to clean, more "me" home, and also to help out a cousin of Rays with eight kids who is now renting the big house :). Still after I did all I could to "settle in" the cottage, (some things just need my sweet DH to do) the loneliness descended again. In thinking back on it, I think one issue was that I was not eating enough fresh veggies and fruits but mostly canned stuff, as I worked to use up the food storage we had, and not run the 1/2 hour to town to shop each week. (Gas prices were and still are ghastly !) I also wanted to do all I could to help our financial situation so my Dear Husband wouldn't feel he needed to leave dry land to make income for us. (yes, I know it was a pitiful amount but it was a little saved). Anyway-- I kept praying that somehow the best possible would happen and there would be other options if it was Gods' will. I was blessed to discover that I had enough air miles to buy airfare with only $5 cash, to go ID to help out there for a little over a week! So fun, but a lot of work and I never sleep well for the first week in a different place. :( I also started coughing the night we got back to WA after spending that super busy week, in ID helping our daughter the day after her husband had major surgery for a ruptured Achilles heel (while she hadn't his help but he needed hers) with their four little ones. What a blessing that surgery was the Friday a week before my dear sweet sister Carol was getting married! My daughter (with the recuperating hubby) was in charge of the decorations for the wedding/reception and my sisters wedding dress was totally ruined by the alterations person at the cleaners! So I also was there to work on preparing another dress for her too. My dear husband missed me :), (it is a whole new feeling for him to have ME gone, from a place he is used to having me fill) So on Friday night, he caught a plane and made it in time to dance with me at the wedding Saturday morning! YEAH! What a beautiful and wonderful time we all had. We felt the angels helped things work out well, as my DH was able to escort my sister down the aisle, as he was the oldest male on our side of the family there. We left right after we helped with the cleanup from the wedding and drove all the way to the cottage ( 3 hours and part of the time in a blizzard!) and spent the night in the cottage that was 45 degrees cold when we got there! Sunday morning we realized that in that city, our wards late meeting times would make us miss our plane if we stayed for them, but our kids back in Boise had a 1:00 Sacrament meeting time so we could attend with them. Quickly we grabed things we needed (tools for him, papers for taxes etc) and loaded our daughters truck with furniture she had had to leave there, as it wouldn't fit in their u-haul when they moved to Boise area. We rushed back to Boise in time to go to church with them, then on to the airport. I was exhausted! I doubt there is a single drop of gypsy blood in my body, as I do not really enjoy traveling at all. Trying to sleep on the plane didn't work well, and having to be there so early is tiresome too. Bless my DH heart, that when we arrived that Sunday night in SeaTac he agreed that we stay in a hotel instead of driving 3 more hours back home! I'm so glad he needed to get some parts in Seattle, and this way it saved him time and gas too! Good idea! This is where we saw on the hotel TV in the news about Ron Paul's plan/actions to hijack the delegates. :( Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well that night so Monday morning I was still very tired as I sat in the car, with double coats and blankets packed all over me, mostly sleeping (but doing a little Facebook etc on my wonderful I Phone) while Ray shopped for 2 hours in a Fisheries supply store. Then he drove us the 3 long hours home and I was beginning to cough then. I had had a sore throat off and on in ID but had kept it at bay with Airborne and homeopathic remedies. The next morning I was worse! I didn't have a fever, nor aches and pains but I was just so tired, weak and coughing, coughing coughing! I figured a few days rest and I would be OK, but it wasn't to be. When the next Sunday came and I still wasn't well enough to go to church-- I started to think seriously about why I wasn't getting well. My mother was a trained therapist and I learned a lot from her about how our subconscious can run things! So I asked myself, what was I "sick" about-- what made me feel "sick"? The main thing was the coming summers lack of a good choice for what in the world I would do if Ray was gone fishing another 6 months. Dread the thought! So, I decided to broach that tender (so many times hashed over) subject with my Dear Husband, and Happy DAY! I hadn't realized the implications of what he had told me just before I left-- that Icicle Seafoods had bought out the company that we worked for- SnoPac! Icicle didn't plan to buy herring in Togiak, so my husband had no reason to leave so soon! He might not have any reason to go until the end of June! Also, he told me he had contact with a boat captain that he hoped to get to run our fishing boat so he might not go fish at all! My prayers seemed to be being answered with my hearts desire, but I could just take it bit by bit. "Expect nothing and forgive everything". I was some better the next morning and even did some work on the computer and at the sewing machine, but not all better, as I was still coughing scarey enough to empty a building without yelling fire. :( Also I was still tired as coughing really destroys sleep and already I often have insomnia! I had been working online to spread the word about the delegate hijacking plans of Ron Paul and supporters. I was too sick to go caucus but Ray went, and he saw it happen right in our own little precinct. (He tends to be one that does not make like to "make a stink" and is over trusting.) The person who ran the voting at our table never explained how things worked, nor asked who was for whom, and suddenly we had a RP delegate though the votes tallied up to not have RP in first place. Ray would have totally offered to be the delegate but he wasn't sure he wouldn't be gone to AK. Ray only knew she was a RP supporter as he had watched to see who cheered for whom etc. So, last night, seeing that it seems I will miss a second Sunday in church-- I looked again at what *else* might be causing me to be sick-- (or my immune system to be down) and two things popped up really fast. Actually they are both some to do with the political race for pres and so are somewhat connected. It is all the anti LDS stuff being smeared around because Mitt Romney is a candidate and the whole hijack the delegates thing. I had not felt good enough most days to go online to work to correct some of the bogus things said about our LDS faith-- as I was just so tired and it stressed me more so I couldn't rest. I worked on it when I could though. Well- it didn't seem that there was much more I could do about either of these stress producers, as I was already spreading the hijack news as best I could (and praying that no one would choose to be offended! as even one of our Sons and his wife are Ron Paul Supporters and some in our church too. One person from church had even shared that she believed Mitt was evil and into secret combinations! Sheeish! I was pleased to question our son who is for RP and he totally does not believe that. :) He says he knows Mitt is a good person but our son just likes RP ideas better. Anyway-- so I got proactive and read more about my slightly changed symptoms using the Homeopathic Remedy book and switched to a different remedy and decided to try sleeping in a warmer room. We have felt that we slept better with cold air and had also saved electricity by keeping our door closed. I didn't cough as much in the warmer room :) but I did wake about 2:00am. :( So, when I checked Facebook (what do you do when you can't sleep at night?) I was so pleased to see on a post about Mitt winning the Island votes-- that the commentators were talking about the delegate hijack thing! YES! I can feel some of the weight being lifted off my body! Hope is on the horizon in several things for me now! I even have some of our family planning to come all the way here for our Rochelle's' (former foster/guardianed daughter) wedding in July! I do so hope we still have our family home/castle then! How I would love for them to have good memories from here. :) Oh, I don't know as I shared about that. So now the bank is looking into the foundation leak that has been plaguing us for years as we work with doing one recommended fix after another, but so far it still drips right on your head when it rains hard. There is a new appraisal being done on the castle and an inspector coming to check the condition of the boat shop from building fiberglass and aluminum boats there for about 30 years. Gods will be done, but it is feeling more hopeful too. :) Anyway-- I do still pray to know what is most important for me to do. I dream sometimes that I am helping children feel loved and that they can make choices that will help them to live a happier life. I keep looking for a way to make that dream come true. It is hard when I'm sick and we keep not being very stable in our living arrangements. :( I am still on the list to do foster respite in ID, but not here. The rules are way more strict here, but I will keep looking into what I can do. I am so thankful that I know why we are on the earth, where we came from and what happens when we die. ! It helps me make a more joyful living-- even with the overstress that comes to test and try me. Gods will be done!