Some ideas to help us enjoy little children

I believe that a well socialized three year old will ***80 to 90%*** of the time---

1. obey parents/teachers the first time when first asked to do or not do something
-----------not do the opposite-- running when told to come, etc
2. use the best words they can to get what they want/need in an social tone level and modulation
--------- not grabbing, fighting, screaming or crying
3. expect to eat the food provided at meal times & may ask politely for something additional
------ not throw or dump food or demand other food after not eating what they are given
4. handle things carefully, appropriately --- ask politely for things not offered them
------- not run to grab anything left in reach or automatically throw or try to break things
5. stay in bed quietly at bed/nap time for 30 min- (they don’t have to go to sleep though)
------- not screaming or kicking, or throwing things around the room
6. dress themselves with a choice between two outfits, in an appropriate time period
--- not wait for or demand the parent dress them or fight if the parent tries to help them hurry
7. pick up their toys/clothing when asked to by an adult, and do an additional daily chore
-- like dusting, or wipe the table, or set the table etc. --- not to have an “entitlement attitude”.

I believe the way to achieve this is for the parents/caregivers to model correct behavior

a. and have a way to QUICKLY / sadly restrain/contain them without their winning more of our attention to do so (later to expect them to stay in time out mode on their own)
and not allow the TV to model incorrect behaviors
- maybe ONE non violent- teach correct principles program or movie a day
- --- only as a reward (not entitlement or using TV as a baby sitter)
b. Take the time to continually/gently teach the child to comply/obey while programming in the desired behaviors - like at bedtime ---AFTER regular bedtime routines maybe like--family scriptures/prayers, pjs, clean teeth/face, personal prayers, use potty, & choices like- drink of water and or water glass put beside bed, night light?, door open? books to look at ?or audio story? or soothing music ?(which choices get withdrawn one at a time, if they do not stay quietly in bed- if still not compliant- may have other logical consequences—maybe have them “practice” bedtime at a time the other children (who have been obedient) get to watch the reward movie or suggest maybe they don’t need as much sleep so when THEY WANT to sleep, don’t let them or get up earlier in the morning or something else logical
c. - and when disobedience happens (it will sometimes) to gently/sadly say “uh oh”
d. do not to ignore them when they are testing us by misbehaving (put them in time out)
e. do not to give them the more/most attention when they misbehave
f. Watch for “triggers” to negative behaviors - help them learn to obey=win!
g. NOTICE and specifically talk to them about their appropriate behavior OFTEN - something like—“ I noticed you shared, tell them something like “I feel happy inside when I see that, does it make you happy inside too?”
h. Praise their good behavior to others when they can hear you (do not talk of their inappropriate behavior where they can hear you – they listen when we are on the phone!)
i. Parenting and children are supposed to be a joy- not just endured till their bedtime!

Only give them ½ a bite of food to try for the first time-
And expect them to eat what they personally take or the tiny bit you give them with their approval-and if they find that they can’t eat it all right then- to finish it later, or work to pay for the food, or pay with money- or see if another will eat it for them- but not to waste it- and not to carry food around the house.