2009 Jane and Ray Wadsworth Family Newsletter

Ray & Jane Wadsworth 2009 Newsletter
--- Life has often seemed like a roller coaster ride to me, with some wonderful high times, & some scary swift descents that seem to just barely avoid disaster at the last moment. Right now though, we’re feeling fairly hopeful, & peaceful while we are very active in adventure, as we’ve begun to do vacation rentals of our castle home. Maybe I’m learning to trust our Heavenly Father more from past experiences adding up?
--- Things are not really very settled, as we shuttle back & forth between ID & WA plus in & out of our old 5th wheel RV here. We move into it when we have rental guests. Hopefully the rentals will bring in enough income to convince a bank we can refinance the castle - saving it from foreclosure in Sept 2011. We are blessed to have Eric & Tressa take over the websites & business side. I do much of the housecleaning, restocking, maintance, & thrift castle décor. I’m still having a lot of fun too, as costumes I’ve made over the years are here for the guests to wear for pictures. Lots of new friends to share our castle with for a royal vacation! The castle really feels like it is Heavenly Fathers’, & that we are just the stewards over it.
--- We look forward to returning to our Oakley, Idaho home & friends, after this summer for which Ray is in FULL work mode for. He is building a steel 58’ x 24’ Limit Seiner, out in the weather (wettest & windiest on record!) in Port Townsend, as the boat won’t fit in his shop or on the road to the water. He computer designed it & had it pre cut by computer. He is welding it together as fast as he can- with plans (& prayers) of finding everything used- engines, etc! Our goal is getting it up to AK in time for the fishing season, & tender job he has lined up. He wants me to go too- what a ride! : / . My going mostly depends on the castle rentals getting set up to work ok without me!
--- We feel so blessed with our youngest - Richard & McKenna in Rexburg, ID are expecting their first baby in February. Eric & Tressa in South Jordan, added sweet baby Maylee to their cherished 4 older children this last year. Doug & Heather are in Pasco, WA doing great with their two darlings. Lori & Kevin continue in Tucson, AZ with their fun four little ones. Debbie & Rick live near us with their darling 3, so we get to enjoy some of our grandkids almost as often as we want though work, & weary bodies hinder us. We even occasionally get to see our “guardianed angel” Rochelle with her little boy and also our former foster son, Markus as they live in the area. Rays’ father, Gene, left this earth life in February of this year in his 93rd year. We are blessed by his work & saving ethic to be able to build the boat & and other things. We miss him, but believe he is reunited with his beloved wife Betty, whom he missed so much.
--- Our prayers are that all of our friends, family & the world will have the wisdom, strength & any needed help to progress in learning & loving as the Messiah has shown us the way. “God bless us everyone” with “Peace on Earth-- Goodwill to men”. hugs-- Ray & Jane

link to Love & Logic article on agressive toddlers and preschoolers

http://www.loveandlogic.com/documents/aggressive-toddlers-and-preschoolers.pdf

Some ideas to help us enjoy little children

I believe that a well socialized three year old will ***80 to 90%*** of the time---

1. obey parents/teachers the first time when first asked to do or not do something
-----------not do the opposite-- running when told to come, etc
2. use the best words they can to get what they want/need in an social tone level and modulation
--------- not grabbing, fighting, screaming or crying
3. expect to eat the food provided at meal times & may ask politely for something additional
------ not throw or dump food or demand other food after not eating what they are given
4. handle things carefully, appropriately --- ask politely for things not offered them
------- not run to grab anything left in reach or automatically throw or try to break things
5. stay in bed quietly at bed/nap time for 30 min- (they don’t have to go to sleep though)
------- not screaming or kicking, or throwing things around the room
6. dress themselves with a choice between two outfits, in an appropriate time period
--- not wait for or demand the parent dress them or fight if the parent tries to help them hurry
7. pick up their toys/clothing when asked to by an adult, and do an additional daily chore
-- like dusting, or wipe the table, or set the table etc. --- not to have an “entitlement attitude”.

I believe the way to achieve this is for the parents/caregivers to model correct behavior

a. and have a way to QUICKLY / sadly restrain/contain them without their winning more of our attention to do so (later to expect them to stay in time out mode on their own)
and not allow the TV to model incorrect behaviors
- maybe ONE non violent- teach correct principles program or movie a day
- --- only as a reward (not entitlement or using TV as a baby sitter)
b. Take the time to continually/gently teach the child to comply/obey while programming in the desired behaviors - like at bedtime ---AFTER regular bedtime routines maybe like--family scriptures/prayers, pjs, clean teeth/face, personal prayers, use potty, & choices like- drink of water and or water glass put beside bed, night light?, door open? books to look at ?or audio story? or soothing music ?(which choices get withdrawn one at a time, if they do not stay quietly in bed- if still not compliant- may have other logical consequences—maybe have them “practice” bedtime at a time the other children (who have been obedient) get to watch the reward movie or suggest maybe they don’t need as much sleep so when THEY WANT to sleep, don’t let them or get up earlier in the morning or something else logical
c. - and when disobedience happens (it will sometimes) to gently/sadly say “uh oh”
d. do not to ignore them when they are testing us by misbehaving (put them in time out)
e. do not to give them the more/most attention when they misbehave
f. Watch for “triggers” to negative behaviors - help them learn to obey=win!
g. NOTICE and specifically talk to them about their appropriate behavior OFTEN - something like—“ I noticed you shared, tell them something like “I feel happy inside when I see that, does it make you happy inside too?”
h. Praise their good behavior to others when they can hear you (do not talk of their inappropriate behavior where they can hear you – they listen when we are on the phone!)
i. Parenting and children are supposed to be a joy- not just endured till their bedtime!

Only give them ½ a bite of food to try for the first time-
And expect them to eat what they personally take or the tiny bit you give them with their approval-and if they find that they can’t eat it all right then- to finish it later, or work to pay for the food, or pay with money- or see if another will eat it for them- but not to waste it- and not to carry food around the house.

celebrating Christmas

So-- I have joy in my heart again, and it is because I realized that my stressing over gift giving is not what God wants me to do. President Monson gave a talk and told how to really celebrate Christmas-- by visiting the sick and shutins- by doing good. It is NOT buying more toys or trinkets for others when they already have so much that they do not use that they throw them away or give them to thrift stores (that part is not so bad).

So when we are struggling to make ends meet, and get the work done that needs to be done to be ready for the next guests in our vacation rental-- then I do not need to be worried that I have not bought or made gifts for everyone (try anyone!) that I would like to have a wonderful gift to give.

An article in Meridian Magazine also helped me-- it was titled I think Grandmas Gingerbread Christmas-- I think. It told how one grandmother- Joy Lundberg, got her grandchildren together to make cookies, that they they packaged and took to shut ins along with singing to them. -- THIS I think I can do and feel good about! :)

I have also gotten out the faux Christmas tree and thought I would take the time to decorate it-- but I have not done that yet. Maybe we will have a "Deck the Halls" party and make it a friendship time- but without that it feels so much wasted time. It does not REALLY celebrate the birth of our Savior! How does a decorated tree be a blessing in others lives? If I can somehow work that-- then it might be worth it. :)

I have not yet even written any family newsletter to send to extended family and friends-- and I think that is something that I should take the time to do! :)

Anyway-- these are my thoughts at this time, when we are to consider Goodwill and Peace on Earth to all.

Gramajane