I woke in the night, remembering my dream, and then while thinking of any meaning of my dream, these thoughts rose up in my mind. The thoughts came bit by bit. I will work to capture them to share with you. First you may think it is important to know what the dream was of, but it was just the starter- the messenger, to get my mind open, seeking for the message, the meaning. The meaning was a feeling, a seeking also. That inside I seem to be like a little hurt child looking for a loving parent to help me heal, a father or mother to kiss the hurt to help me feel better, and so ready me to go play some more, ( a child's play is its work) experiencing life and learning from it, finding joy which comes from learning finding my talents and improving them, and the best joy comes using the talents in sharing and loving (serving) others so at the end of the day (life on earth) I can return home to rest and be made ready for another day of further work as I grow up to become like my parents. So, are we not all children? Children of Our Heavenly Father? Are we not all sent to Earth as like a boarding school, where we are to learn (play) and from where we all will return at the end of life to our home in heaven, where either we will be pleased to share our “report card” which will be our hearts, hopefully grown large with caring with sharing and service like our Heavenly Parents? though we will all have some areas (classes, subjects) that we need improvement in Yet as long as we have an open loving, learning, seeking heart, Not a proud hard greedy heart, We will be (have already been) forgiven, and our Parents stand with open arms, always watching us (from afar) like the beloved children we are on the play ground of life, needing to be free to skin our knees climb the trees pick the flowers or let them grow learning as we go. Maybe you don't know you are a child of God? Maybe you feel lost maybe you have sought for some meaning in life but (so far) have not found meaning? That would not mean there is no meaning, just that you hadn't found it yet, The meaning of life has been there all the time, Its pattern is in all the world around us, in the life around us, even in the plants and air. Do animals come to be without predecessors (parents)? Do plants come to be without being the seed of another plant? Is the world (playgournd) not provided for our needs? Here is air, sunshine, food grows like a miracle from the earth and not child can arrive without having a male and female predecessors, Loving parents to be examples of the heavenly ones whose calling is to nurture, provide and protect the baby. You didn't have that? Do you know why? Does it mean that God is cruel? Or there is no God? May I suggest That any God who could create the playground (world>universe>”all things that in them are” would have reasons, and those can be found? I will share what has been given me, what I believe is from God (all good things are from God and God can turn ALL things to our good as we seek to love (obey) Him. We learn best by our own experiences Though we can learn some from others And having guidance (rules) for safety on the playground (life) helps us be happier Have you not heard of rules for life? I understand that in most every religion there is a list similar to the 10 Commandments. These are to help us, and I believe came from God. I believe God has been working to keep sending just enough direction, that for those who ARE seeking will find it, While some will be raised in a home where they are taught Some do not arrive in a prepared “nursery” Some are even born missing their fathers or being given into the waiting arms of some who are not their biological mothers Yet God set the pattern (and rules) for the best homes. Our playgournd time (life at boarding school) is usually long enough for us to become parents, and learn from that yet the BEST parents are those who first become Spouses, married/committed to be together to love and support each other and any children they may be blessed with. Our Heavenly Parents watch over us, but let us make mistakes and even BIG mistakes knowing that their forgiveness is there, and we can (if we choose) grow from/through our mistakes But what about children born to a less than perfect home? How can that possibly fair? Especially how can it be fair to an aborted baby? My answer is a question for you. Have you ever waited your turn to get off the bus, or to get your “auto” in Autotopia at Disneyland? If your friends were already off and there were no Perfect cars left (returned yet) for you to enter/use, would you stay on the bus, waiting for a practically perfect car, or would you take one (maybe out of several- less perfect) that would still allow you to go forward, with your friends and be that much farther along on the road/path (in learnings/growth) knowing that later, it will be worth it, for with every vehicle (body/life) there are compensations, (often unseen in the “day”= of this life) and if you stay on the path, obey the laws (of heaven) you know, you will receive perfect peace, joy and happiness even more than you experience here, when you share with an open heart.. ``````I also testify, that I believe de-ja-vu experiences, are quick recall, where we were shown before we choose which “vehicle” to accept what our lives would be like in the bodies/vehicles we were offered, and that our Heavenly Parents knew that we could learn enough with the challenges presented BY our situations/life/family to merit the highest level of happiness/reward after our schooling. We are not in ANY competition with any other human being, We are not judged on the curve – we are judged against our selves, We are judged only by what light and knowledge we have available but we ARE to seek for more, and our judge is our oldest brother, who also came to earth as mortal, suffered temptations himself, then took on himself, all OURS too including our pains, griefs, sickness and sins (anything that separates us from God) We are judged by the intents of our hearts with our actions (works) AGAIN- against what true rules/teachings we had given us, or were available. I know that we are to work to be perfect, Yet not be discouraged as in this life we can not be but each little improvement is progress, and we can continue to improve after this life, but it is much easier to do in this life. What I have shared I have learned while a member of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints which I believe is the brought back to earth organization Jesus Christ himself set up during his life on earth (though knowing it would be corrupted) and that He promised (in the KJV Bible) it would be returned by an angel (Revelations 14:6) in the latter-days. It is nearing the time of the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. If you are seeking the purpose (your personal purpose) in life, I pray you will earnestly investigate the restored from heaven gospel! You can go on line to LDS.org or Mormon.org or have missionaries come to your home. These teachings have helped me have more peace in my life, though my own birth has left me suffering many hurdles, I'm so very blessed that my family were valient LDS members who taught me as a child, so that this hope/belief has helped me endure and keep progressing, I'm afraid, that if I hadn't had these teachings to bring me peace and hope, that I might have sought to “ditch” (suicide) :( I'm thankful that other truths in the world have been second witnesses that suicide is NOT the/any good answer to pain in this life. My study of Near Death Experiences has shown me that those who tried to opt out by ending their lives, testify that it will NOT help, it will be worse, as they saw what happened to those who “succeeded”, and it will not help! Pray, and seek here!

A Women's Relief Society Lesson based on a conference talk by Elder Oaks

I used this as part of a lesson I gave last Sunday. The basis for this Relief Society Lesson given in Monticello Branch October 27, 2013 by Sister Wadsworth is a Talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, given in April General Conference 2013. Titeled; “NO OTHER GODS, - Are we serving priorities or gods ahead of the God we profess to worship?” “WHAT IS OUR ULTIMATE PRIORITY ?” “ If we love the Lord we will keep his commandments!” “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3) “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” (Matthew 22:36) “Thus we offend God when we 'serve' other gods- when we have other first priorities. (Elder Oakes, see Exodus 20:4-6 and footnote b, Doctrine and Covenants 124: 84 ) “What other priorities are being “served”ahead of God by persons- even religious persons of our day?” Here are some areas that can be taken to extreems which take us away from our Heavenly Father. How might someone be lead away in these areas and how can they stay close to God in these areas? 1. Cultural & Family traditions __________________________________________________ 2. Political correctness ________________________________________________________ 3. Career asprirations _________________________________________________________ 4. Material possessions _______________________________________________________ 5. Recreational pursuits _______________________________________________________ 6. Power, prominence and prestige ______________________________________________ God has given commandments from the beginning to Adam and Eve in marriage, to multiply, and other commandments to not misuse procreative powers outside of marriage (Exodus 20:14, 1 Thess 4:3) God gives us commandments that if we obey, we will be happier than if we break them. “...neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. 1 Cor 11:11 The restoration of the gospel teaches us that we dwelt as spirits with Our Father in Heaven before we were born on Earth and when we die, our spirits return to the world of Spirits (either Paradise or Spirit Prison depending on how we live) where we can have some time to be taught as the Savior taught, which is told about in 1 Peter 1:19-20, before we are resurrected. Also restored is the sealing power that was given to Peter, that what he sealed on Earth would be sealed in Heaven. What is it that can be sealed in Heaven? Families! Which then makes sense of Malichi 4:5-6 about turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and children to their fathers. The pattern of God is Families- Eph. 3:15 “… of whom all the family in heaven and earth are named” as also on the earth, a spirit comes to a body created by the union of a male and female and is best protected and nutured if that couple are in, and stay in, a committed, righteous marriage. Cohabitation (living together without marriage) is no longer illegal in many countries, and some countries have authorized same gender marriages. Abortain has been legal in the US for decades. These things have been destroying families. “ Our twelfth Article of Faith states our belief in being subject to civil authoity and 'in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.' But man's laws cannot make moral what God has declared immoral.” “ May God help us to understand this priority and to be understood by others as we seek to pursue it in a wise and loving way, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

The Family is the basic unit of the universe

The family is the basic unit of the universe. God taught us to call him Father and sent his only begotten Son to make it possible for all who will repent and continue to work to obey the commandments, though none of us can do it perfectly so Jesus Atonement is applied to enable us to return to live with them and the rest of our loved ones after this life. Even those who will not obey God still receive from Jesus Christ the free gift of resurrection (uniting our spirit with a glorified body that will never die again) yet they will be unable to join with the rest of Gods children who repent of their choices that took them away from our Heavenly Father path to true happiness. The Scriptures even talk of the "family in heaven" in Ephesians 3:15.

We had one Family Reunion here and plan to go again for another this summer.

http://www.albionbedandbreakfast.com/ Rock climbing, kayaking, and a ski resort all very close by and for an incredibly inexpensive price. Plus the owner makes fresh bread and is a massage therapist.

A candida cleanse seems to be helping my health (work) !

I'm so pleased that I am sleeping better, now waking most of the time around 6:00 instead or one or two in the morning, plus getting to sleep easier and feeling rested when I wake up. :) I have more energy, have lost inches (don't know about the pounds as I don't have scales but my clothes fit better and muscle weights more than fat anyway :) My thinking is less foggy, I am not craving sweets or carbs all the time and I am eating way less. The eating plan that goes with this is to eat mostly the non starchy vegetables plus eggs, and protein, almonds or walnuts, seafood and some meats preferably organic in all things. No fruits, no sugars or fake sugars, even no syrup or honey. No grains except oatmeal. No vinegar and no mushrooms. Olive or Coconut oil is good. Plus I'm taking enzymes to weaken the overgrowth candida yeast cell walls, and some natural herbs that kill it, plus probiotics to refresh the intestine with the good guys. This should help my purpose in life/work :)

Well, when you die, you can't take your toys, homes, clothes etc with you! So, as preparation for the rest of our lives, we have sold our family home (Woodhaven Castle) of over 25 years. We used most of the money to invest in our family, (instead of banks or businesses etc) by loaning/giving enough of it to three of them, to get homes for themselves in safe cities. We plan to use the remaining for our mission expenses. Two of our family now have their "new" homes, and the last is having one built in the area where he will be attending medical school for 4 years, as after much research they discovered that was the best value way to do it Oh, and we have a new grand baby expected any day! That will make 3 for our son Richard, with the oldest child just having turned 3! It was really difficult to let my dream home go, but with GETTING better housing for our kids, then it felt it was finally worth it. I believe it will also make a huge difference in the lives of our grandchildren to not have to go to inner city schools, but be in cities/states with many of the neighbors having values similar to theirs, with less crime etc. Also with this they are saving money as rent was more expensive than mortgage payments to us, and a second bathroom means a lot in a family of six! Plus, now they can get equity and grow food for their use, canning etc. With less stress on the whole family to have enough storage, play areas, and convenience for Mommies to raise their kids and have a little time for themselves too. Of course better for visiting grandparents too ;) We are presently living in a used 5th wheel RV we bought, that has 3 slides. It is quite homey, but I am already missing storage. :( We may need to buy a small Granny house when we return from our mission. At least most of our family is gathering in the Boise Idaho area. :) We are presently working on getting the physicals etc ( I need new glasses too) done for our applications for our Senior couple mission. It is looking like we will state our preference as Brazil, as that is where my husband Ray went on his mission before we were married, and they just divided several of the missions there, as so many new young missionaries came into the field with lowering the age limit. Yet they need mature couples to also work in offices etc to let the young missionaries get out to the people, though I love to share the gospel too. It will all work out. :) Anyway, we got a computer program for me to learn Brazilian Portuguese, and as it is quite similar to Spanish, it should make that possible to understand too. :) We understand that it is about 6-7 months after turning in papers and getting a call that the visas to Brazil come through. So, we may not be out in the mission field until Sept. We had planned on June. :/ Still it may be for the best, as Ray has the best looking opportunity so far to get his Total Bone Removal System (for wild Salmon) into the industry in AK this summer, plus he is scheduled to spot fish for several boats too. I am re-reading the Book of Mormon, with a goal of finishing it before we go, and hopefully also the Preach My Gospel again, plus the New Testament (again). :) I'm also working to improve my wardrobe to Sister Missionary standards. :) It will be awkward to wear skirts or dresses most everyday instead of Levis or pants, but I suppose as I won't be doing my usual work, I will soon feel right at home. At least I'm already used to wearing such clothes every Sunday.

I wrote this January 24, 2013, and then sent it to myself, to put on my blog, which I'm finally doing today. Thinking this--- "to sleep or to work on with what probably amounts to compromised awareness/skills from a brain shutting down to defragment plus my bodies need to recharge it's life source" --- is something I have increasingly dealt with as I've aged. I've come to the conclusion that my mind gets numbed from needing to sleep and that my bodies immune defenses are lowered so with also then making mistakes in my work that I'm farther ahead to just "select what I need to neglect" Stop and rejuvenate with sleep or I'll regret it!!! Along with that I find it steals the joy today from doing the work well and extracts joy later with illness or lessened ability to enjoy my company because I'm so tired that I'm practically a zombie! ( we have been doing major maintenance on our home in prep for selling it and ALSO for a cousin gathering that begins today) While I have put aside the costume making that I love, to do things like scoop handfuls of muck out of gutters and scrape moss off deck railings- because I only had a little time to work WITH our son on it and we could talk during the working. :) --- I also find if I sleep when needed, THEN joy returns and the things that seemed important ( but in hindsight were only things that may have been more fun --- if--- I hadn't bankrupted my body to do them ) --- Still each must decide the level of joy lost or added, and or the personal "physical debt" they can be comfortable with OR --- IF their body is likely to go "on strike" ( get sick or their back go out, etc?) --- then too, I no longer have nestlings so I can sleep in later? --- there are some benefits in age !"

This is an awesome article, that I am already benefiting from in facing the stresses in my life! My prayer is that it will help others too. :) Meridian Magazine Facing the New Year with Trust in the Lord By Darla Isackson “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.” (2 Nephi 4:34) The year 2012 has brought unprecedented challenges--to me personally and to the world in general. Paul’s words seem appropriate: “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Today I admit to distress, but my belief in God’s infinite loving careiskeeping me from despair. Pondering the pending New Year, I am glad I have no specific knowledge of what it might bring. Had I stood on the threshold of 2012 and been shown all at once what the world and I would have to deal with, it would have been supremely difficult to muster the courage to face it. However, “sufficient to the day is the evil thereof” and one day at a time, with the Lord’s help, 2012 has been a year rich in love and learning. Now, I’m reaching out for and claiming trust that whatever difficult things might happen in 2013, the Lord’s words to Joseph Smith in D&C 122:7 will apply to each of us: “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” Unexpected Blessings One of the great compensations of my semi-invalid state this past year has been time to read and listen to inspiring fiction. Many of the series show the slow but amazing softening of people’s hearts over time through the refiner’s fire of difficult experiences. I’ve lived long enough to see this process in the lives of so many people I know. I’ve experienced it in my own life. Paul’s word’s capture the essence: And not only so, but we glory in tribulation also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:” (Romans 4: 3-4) Experience can bring us hope, because we see that if we persevere long enough, trust in the Lord long enough, God’s purposes begin to unfold in our lives in an unmistakable way. Anyone who considers suicide has likely not lived long enough or looked at life hard enough to recognize that inevitable unfolding process. Knowing this keeps us from giving up on each other or ourselves. I can trace throughout my life the Lord’s patient, loving care through all my foolishness and folly. Looking back on a rich but somewhat tempestuous life, I feel strongly the Lord’s watchful care and can say as did Nephi, “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” So often it has been the scriptures that have pulled me back from the brink of despair and reminded me in whom I could trust. I love Isaiah’s words, “Fear thou not, for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10) My Will vs. “Thy Will Be Done” I know myself that those promises are faithful and true and give us every reason to trust in the Lord no matter what. The major obstacle I have found to trust is self-will--wanting things to “turn out” according to my own will, wanting to control what I can’t control. Sometimes it seems hard to trust when I just plain don’t want the hard things in my life to be happening. It is difficult to say “thy will be done” and set aside my nicely laid plans in favor of His. In Helaman 12:6 we read, “Behold, they do not desire that the Lord their God, who hath created them, should rule and reign over them; notwithstanding his great goodness and his mercy towards them, they do set at naught his counsels, and they will not that he should be their guide.” Coming to a place of trust and surrender to God’s will is just plain hard work--the hardest work we will ever attempt. It is far harder than any other “good works” and it is the one that is absolutely essential. What a different mindset to humbly plead for God’s guidance, to know and do His will, than to either coast in deep ruts of habitual behavior or plead with the Lord to change things to be the way we want them. I’m afraid I’ve wasted time in both of the above-mentioned modes. But when I have the presence of mind to ASK, I receive the gifts of the Spirit needed to rise above these natural man patterns. The quest of my life is to surrender my will to His, to recognize and do His will. When I accomplish it, I am at peace. When I fail, I am miserable. I’m blessed to have good friends whose example helps me in my quest. Years ago I went to visit my dear friend Patricia the day before she went into the hospital for a hysterectomy. She told me of her recent deepening of understanding in regard to letting go of outcomes--of the trust in the Lord that gives you the freedom to say, “Whatever happens, it’s all right.” She told of the difference between praying, “Lord, get my daughter back to church,” and “Lord, please be with my daughter and reach her in any way that is best for her. Help me to love and accept her just as she is, just where she is in her development.” Patricia said, “I’ve traditionally written a long list of questions for the New Year. The 62 I wrote last year were all about outcomes. When I started doing the same this year I stopped, and wrote only one question: ‘Will I develop a closer relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, turn my life over to Him and learn to accept His will and follow His direction?’ With that focus, whatever happens about the 62 things (and most of them are still distressing), my faith will remain intact.” Patricia had such a calm and radiant spirit that day, and I continue to learn from her and her steadfast determination to trusther future to the Lord. The results of turning to God are results I can trust. His promises are sure, unchangeable, like He is. The scriptures become more and more important in my life as I ponder them, reap the blessings from the reasons they give me for trusting God. When I experience the blessings of trusting, its fruits become delicious to me and I want more! When I worry, obsess over other people’s choices or what “might happen,” I am in the natural man state. When I trust God, pray, submit, seek the Lord’s will, I rise above the natural man and begin to taste the fruits of the Spirit. Here’s an every-day example: one year, after Thanksgiving our son had to make a twelve-hour drive in a frightful storm on treacherous roads. I was quickly going into my best worry mode. However, my husband said, “I think he’ll be fine. And if anything happens, we’ll deal with it then. Why make yourself miserable over something that probably won’t happen?” We prayed for him, turned him over to the Lord, and had a lovely day. He arrived safely. The more I experience both sides of the coin, the more appealing I find the trust mode and the less appealing I find the worry mode. It seems such a waste of time. The best news is--it’s up to me! I can choose whether to wallow in fear and worry or to bask in the sweet assurance that since all is in God’s hands, all is well.Mormon 5:23 reminds us, “Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God? Know ye not that he hath all power?” Trust in the Lord Can Make All the Difference Trust, such a small word, makes all the difference in the quality of our lives. I’m not here on earth to prove I can learn life’s lessons by myself, but to be brought to the position of trusting in God. The greatest lesson of all is our insatiable need for the Lord’s help. We can achieve self-mastery only by turning to the Master. We can find sufficiency only by turning to the One who is sufficient. Any experience we have, no matter how difficult, that pulls those ideas from theory into practice, is a blessed experience indeed. Trust eclipses doubt and makes me steadfast in belief. Trust excuses me from the ludicrous impossible job of trying to fix others, fix the world, right all wrongs, and making others SEE. As a mother of many grown children, learning this trust has proved essential to my sanity. When in the trust mode I know that I am responsible only for my own quest for trust and I can be free of imposing my perceptions on anyone else. Trust seems to be the very key to gospel living: unless I trust the Lord I will not seek His will. If I don’t trust, how can I love Him with might, mind, and strength? Unless I trust how can I say I have hope and faith? Trust is the antidote to worry and fear, the opposite of stress. Trust allows me to relax into reality and learn what is there for me to learn. Any day we remember to say, “Preserve me, O God, for in thee I put my trust” (Psalm 13:1) is a good day. Whatever happens, the Lord will not forsake us. His promises are sure. We have such never-ending reasons to trust the Lord. We can look to the year 2012 armed with that trust. Trust in God will give us light in the New Year and help us live with peace in our hearts regardless of the chaos in the world. Note: To learn more about Darla and her books, Trust God No Matter What! and After My Son’s Suicide: An LDS Mother Finds Comfort in Christ and Strength to Go On, visit her website. For ebook format, go to Amazon.com.

We now have begun filling out papers to serve a couple mission. We put the date we expect to be ready to go as June. I'm working on several things to get ready, including the Word of Wisdom (from Doctrine and Covenants) way to eat, and increasing my physical activity, learning Spanish and hopefully some German too, studying the Preach MY Gospel and seeking to limit my clothing that will all work on a mission. FUN!

I am so pleased. It seems that my husband and I are progressing in our health from eating a Word of Wisdom way. Mainly whole grains, fresh veggies and fruits, while avoiding processed foods, sugars, white flour, dairy products and meat VERY sparingly! --- The benefits are; more energy, losing weight, not being hungry or craving, sleeping better, less blemishes, and saving money. It is super great that my sweetheart is doing it too! !!!

It seems no matter if I put paragraph indents and even whole blank lines between paragraphs everything still posts in one mass. :( Any help appreciated!

Specific ideas on my (our?) purpose in life

So, in the night, I awoke with an idea coming to me for this (my only) blog. Part of my purpose in life (and maybe good for all of us?) is to pass on info about things that have blessed our lives and also pass on warnings about things that have brought us sadness? So, what are some things that have worked for happiness for me? Top among them has to be my experiences as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While interestingly, the most sadness has come from the FEW times, I didn't follow the guidelines as closely as I wish I had. If it were possible to go back and change, but that is impossible, but thank heavens repentance IS possible and that I work as often as any issues come up. I am glad that I totally feel "my paths have been protected" so that I didn't stray too far off the path at least, but I do wish that the church had as clearly stated back in the 60s what is now printed and given to the youth as a tiny carry along guide in Standards for Youth. :) Ok, what is second in bringing me happiness? How interesting- as the things that came to mind in answering that question seem to be INCLUDED in my LDS membership! My love for our Savior Jesus Christ and my work to follow him which leads me to love and serve those around me. :) My love for my family and how I enjoy doing things for them. :) How I long to help children in need especially- but actually all people. How organizing things around me for convenience, beauty and health is a joy of creation for me. (I love different things to organize that will make an impact and last a while, so just doing dishes or vacuuming the same areas of the floor- totally loses its sparkle of job-- SOOooo I suppose if I will work on my attitude of gratitude-- I can overcome that too as surely a clean home is a service to all who enter, along with letting the beauty and convenience shine through?

A few more ideas of fun with family cleaning

So-- like Mary Poppins "clean up of the nursery"-- if you can make it fun-- it will go fast and you may not want to stop! :) So many of our problems actually come from our attitudes being negative about the challenge. I remember when I literally used to pray (in my head) that the volleyball wouldn't come my way in a game because I felt sure I would flub up and my team would be upset with me. When I got better at it, I had to keep my self from praying that I WOULD get a chance to hit the ball. :) What a difference a little experience and training can make! Now I love the game! So-- how can you make cleaning your home a game? (I would love for you to comment to let me hear your ideas! thanks!!) Probably you have seen the cute ideas for boys rooms, where the dirty clothes hamper is hung on the wall like a basketball hoop? Maybe the garbage can could be decorated similarly? What about making a boys room look a bit like a locker room? What about hiding a little trinket in each dirty room and then let the kids "whirlwind" clean it so who finds the trinket wins-- ? something from your "Parents store" of healthy treats and little toys? How about pretending that a King (or well loved authority) is coming to visit the neighborhood, and will choose the best looking home and then bedroom to sleep in? Of course Royalty should "reimburse" the owners for the privilege? (take them out for a movie?) How about "before and after pictures" with a time kept for how fast it can be made beautiful? How about a trip to a fun store (Ross for Less?) - for a decorator item or whatever the "chosen" one desires (within a $ limit!) Maybe have some grandparent, aunt or friend "judge" ? How about a party for friends when the home reaches a certain level of clean above and beyond the normal? ------------------------- Want to guess one of the best motivators for cleaning? Isn't it a phone call that a respected friend is coming to visit?

a break through on my health :)

Just found this in my drafts (I didn't even know I HAD a drafts area?-- It was from last year-- and I remember how great this was-- Maybe I need to go find that book again-- though we are eating MUCH healthier, (organic and nothing processed plus avoiding sugar (etc) like the plague. I wish I had put a date on this old draft! So as I usually do when I go shopping, I said a little silent prayer for guidance to find things that I needed and not buy anything that I didn't need.
Usually I don't look much in the books section-- as I have so many books and am running out of bookshelves etc. They had a cart out though with the new books that they hadn't put on the shelves yet, in my favorite Thrift Store, Deseret Industries (DI for short). -- So I looked over it a bit, and found a book Carbohydrate Addictions life span (or something like that). I can't give you the exact title as I loaned the book to another last night.

Anyway-- this book was describing ME!!! I would have more energy by not eating than from eating "a healthy breakfast"! Pancakes-- even whole wheat ones without ANY syrup but only sugar free applesauce-- would make me tired and bloated after eating them.

-- I totally craved all baked goods-- and have all my life claimed I had a "sweet tusk" (not just a sweet tooth!) Even when trying to eat healthy-- I would crave something at least somewhat sweet-- so would maybe have a 1/4 cup of dried cranberries or raisins (supposed to be healthy right?) after a meal or as a snack-- often with a few nuts.

I could eat the same food as my husband and gain weight. I have been on tons of diets and have terrible cravings but sacrifice only to end up gaining all the weight back and THEN some more added on. Till I totally quit diets, and just tried to "eat healthy".

But with not even doing this "life plan" correctly on Thursday when I bought the book and tried it (I mistakenly ate *canned green beans* instead of fresh)-- but I still felt so much better and I lost weight too.

I have been able to think more clearly and have felt so much less fatigue-- I actually found my self "automatically" thinking I was too tired to walk with the family, but then realized I was FINE, so I went too! Also when recently I was left in the car to wait-- I was motivated to get out of my seat and "clean out the car"!

Then this morning-- I feel so absolutely blessed! I got on the scales and broke under 200 lbs! About a week ago I weighed 206.1! I haven't been hungry, nor doing any purposeful exercise. I have been motivated and accomplishing! I am so pleased!

Anyway-- it is my hope that if I continue with this plan-- eating proteins and vegetables that help reduce cravings-- for all day except one meal (I get to choose which!) that I have a salad first, then on my plate I divide it up by 1/3 amount of carb reducing protein, 1/3 amount of carb reducing protein, and then 1/3 amount of ***ANY*** carb rich food I want. Last night I had some ice cream-- and I didn't get all tired afterwards, and look at my weight today!

Also-- they recommend that you weigh every day-- but then accept an average of the weeks weights as your weight-- and NOT lose more than 1/2 to 2 lbs a week. :) You can eat as often as you want too-- but to drink your 6-8 glasses of water, and eat only protein/vegetables that are carb craving reducing ones until your **one hour* of time to eat your rewards meal. :) I'm so very hopeful.

A dress that I tried on 3 days ago looks so much better already! :) blessings! Especially as I believe I will be able to do more work, and think better and so get out of and put into my life-- MORE

Some more fun stuff with Family Cleaning ideas

Ok, I got to thinking I should list more of my favorite ideas. (did you see the two earlier posts-- one about laundry?) I really love much of the "Speed Cleaning" originally brought forth by Jeff Cambell (google it) I bought all the books and videos and used their products for years. I especially liked the BIG saving of time cleaning-- with; having a plan of action for each room having the cleaning apron (much like a carpenters apron- so guys are ok with it! -- I made my own after buying one of theirs with specific tools that work GREAT -- like the special cleaning "toothbrush" "cleaning cloths" (not rags, but really tough hemmed cloths that don't leave lint :) two spray bottles that hang on loops (like a hammer loop) one for "blue juice" for windows-- but it comes concentrated and costs less than windex etc one for "red juice"-- a neutral cleaner for just about everything else-- (I LOVE this stuff!) I need to get more again as I use it in the laundry too- and for cleaning upholstery and even the carpet and not rinsing needed! (the apron even has pocket for little trash)- and I added an extra pocket for my cell phone, and a clip instead of ties. plus they have plastic liners in two of the pockets to store your two *special* small sponges (different backings) in plus they have a plastic putty knife that really saves your fingernails! and a great holder for a retractable razor blade for the really hard to remove things like paint and stickers etc You can make your own, in colors that indicate they are girls or guys, or let each worker choose a print fabric :)!!! --------------------------------------- There are also ideas from Don Aslett that I felt were great-- I used some of his ideas and products too. I would much rather be reading or something else besides cleaning but these ideas (and others) have made it so much easier and FASTER to get things clean and KEEP THEM FROM GETTING DIRTY-DISORGANIZED TO START WITH! (like special mats outside and just inside each outside door! that I have come to not mind cleaning at all, but enjoy how magically new everything looks so fast! Ok-- I admit, it is MUCH more fun to clean someone else's house than my own (too much familiarity breeds discontent?) and all my family workers have married and moved into their own homes! --------------------------------- Ok, now for some ideas for really younger workers-- (they love their own aprons and kids sized tools! 1 list the jobs on pieces of paper you fold and put in a fun container then let the kids draw to see what they will do. 2 have one older trainer with each younger child, and they both get rewards for "happily cleaning" 3 have a wheel with the work listed in the pie shapes and spin to see what work you get to do 4 have fun with a "white glover" inspector, acting out a turned up nose and wearing a white glove to look for dust etc 5 use a Grunch (large garbage bag-- maybe with a face drawn on with eyes above the opening?) that will come and "eat" up garbage left in a pile for it (be very dramatic) and the Grunch may eat up toys left out past a warning too! 6 keep record kept of each worker on how long it takes to clean certain rooms to certain levels from similar levels of mess so that you have a TIME to BEAT-- chart-- that changes with increasing speed and less wasted movement and that shows each person doing better each time-- not just the main winners-- as all win when all do better! 7 Make some cute or funny signs to place on doors-- Like "this room brought to you clean by the hands of _____" etc 8 Make also some funny signs for gentle warnings when bedrooms a begins to be thought to harbor vermin etc 9 Have special rewards for personal rooms being so clean they are open for company inspection (and compliments!) 10 Let the child have some say about the decor of their room- (maybe as part of a reward for keeping it clean?) but avoid like the plague any battles over the kids rooms-- choose your battles carefully! 11 Explain with love and logic how keeping the floor clear of clutter helps prevent accidental breakage of their things or stepping on something that might hurt (leggos- jacks- broken hair clips etc), along with helping find what they need when they are in a hurry.

Ideas for organizing kids to help clean

So I am feeling much better, with energy though I still cough a bit but I am dressed and being productive :) Here is something that I had said I would do quite some time ago, but never got around to it. Sorry, but better late than never, I hope. *** An important part of working with children (or anyone) is helping them feel able to do the work, training them, so they can be successful. You start small/easy and build up to more and harder jobs, as it is the pits to not understand and then have your efforts disparaged! (never do that as you want to keep positive energy for cleaning) I think I will just start listing some things we did, (that worked for at least an acceptable period of time-- as it really helps to change things around and make it feel new besides kids age etc). One of my favorite was, what I actually felt inspired to do to modify from the "Side Tracked Home Executives" card file system idea. I also set this up for our Ward Member cleaning, as I was called to be head of that some time ago. When years later we were called as team members to help clean the temple it was cool to see they used a form of the same thing! I organized on a piece of paper first, all the various jobs with exactly what each job entailed, along with any cleaning tools necessary to do the job, and where they were found. (this took the most time, but it was worth it!) I tried to divide the jobs so that no job took more than 1/2 an hour to do. For instance, I didn't have one person vacuuming the WHOLE house, I divided it into separate areas-- like one card for vacuuming the stairs & halls, one for vac the family room, one vac for the living room. (the kids were all required to clean their own bedrooms on their own time) I also organized the jobs as to what was ESSENTIAL to do, (bathrooms! laundry! etc) down to what would be nice if we had excess people (sweep the sidewalk in front of the house?) . I put the ESSENTIAL work at the top and I numbered each job. It could also be adjusted to difficulty to do-- like age appropriate jobs- which then could be color coded, and for the little ones, draw little pictures of a duster and different places to dust? Then I typed up the job descriptions and printed them sized so they would fit on a 3/5 card, so I could cut them apart and laminate them with clear contact paper to the cards. On each job card I had duplicates made, so one went with the worker and one stayed on the chart board. -- I typed in Bold-- "work in progress" and "work finished" strips that were laminated on opposite ends of the cards, so when a person was working on a job, they turned the card on its end, so the appropriate sign showed. another improvement, would to make several for each worker, little kind of like award ribbons (circle rosette with bit of ribbon trailing) with each childs name on them, so you would know who had done which job already or who was working on what. These could be attached to paperclips so they could be attached to the workcards each time. Some work also did best with two people, and that would be indicated on the cards too. To make the work chart, I used a stiff poster board, and taped strips of more of the board across it, to make long pockets, in rows, enough for all the work to be included. I marked off enough room for the cards to sit side by side in the slots, and I numbered and labled the areas so that it was easy to see where the cards went. One could make this quite artistic and fun using stickers and colors too. Oh, I almost forgot, either a parent or a responsible older child who has been trained needs to be the "inspector" and be sure the work is done adequately. Also letting the children have choices of what to do (as long as the essential things are getting done!) is a help too. One thing I learned (the hard way) is to have a time or a basic amount done- so the kids didn't feel like the working time would never end. They needed to know that when enough was done they could go-- BUT have appropriate rewards for those who work the most, and for the whole group if MUCH is accomplished in a short time! If this reward (maybe a family outing to a park or beach or movie or $ ? -- try not to use food :( as it can backfire into obesity! is given as soon as the work is declared acceptable and enough done, it REALLY energizes! They work faster when they know the prize will come faster. You might also want to have some negative consequence for any who want to try out the "slacker" position. You can talk to the family about these things ahead of time- when you are wanting to get them jazzed about the clean home and rewards.

Well, now it is March 11, 2012 almost 4am Sunday morning. I finally got over the stomach pain, as I worked to not stress but let go and let God. Also my nephew seems to have realized that his spewing of anti LDS stuff (which seemed barely re-packaged)was not helping his stated goal, because he loves us- to get any of us to leave the faith, but only causing me (at least) to see more clearly that his leaving seems to have left him with being less Christlike in his actions (while one after another asked to be deleted from his "messages"). Anyway-- may God bless him, and us all, to seek truth and love one another in our lives as Christ loves us. So-- not very long after that stress was sinking over the horizon-- it seems that the stress of the fishing season was looming over my head and I still could not choose which was the lessor evil of what I saw as my only two choices. 1) Go on the fishing boat with my husband as I did summer before last-- which SO did not work out, as he was so intense actually catching fish, or looking for fish to catch, or fixing gear to catch fish, or delivering fish, or sleeping so he could have energy to catch fish! I think he would have paid more attention to me if I were a fish! (as a young girl I wished I was a mermaid ;)I know he felt he was doing it for us, but I felt there were many other ways to make/save money! 2) So last summer I didn't go fishing, but stayed home and tried to keep busy. I actually drove our car across several states (me alone in the car but following friends in their car) but that house was just as empty/lonely as our dwelling in WA. I actually then moved us (a first without my Dear Husband) from the larger 3 story home, into a much smaller with a basement, that didn't have a huge canal on one side, an irrigation ditch on the opposite side and MAIN street (even so named!) in front, with no fence- so there was naturally serious concern for the danger to our active little grandchildren when they would come visit. It was great to get into the smaller easier to clean, more "me" home, and also to help out a cousin of Rays with eight kids who is now renting the big house :). Still after I did all I could to "settle in" the cottage, (some things just need my sweet DH to do) the loneliness descended again. In thinking back on it, I think one issue was that I was not eating enough fresh veggies and fruits but mostly canned stuff, as I worked to use up the food storage we had, and not run the 1/2 hour to town to shop each week. (Gas prices were and still are ghastly !) I also wanted to do all I could to help our financial situation so my Dear Husband wouldn't feel he needed to leave dry land to make income for us. (yes, I know it was a pitiful amount but it was a little saved). Anyway-- I kept praying that somehow the best possible would happen and there would be other options if it was Gods' will. I was blessed to discover that I had enough air miles to buy airfare with only $5 cash, to go ID to help out there for a little over a week! So fun, but a lot of work and I never sleep well for the first week in a different place. :( I also started coughing the night we got back to WA after spending that super busy week, in ID helping our daughter the day after her husband had major surgery for a ruptured Achilles heel (while she hadn't his help but he needed hers) with their four little ones. What a blessing that surgery was the Friday a week before my dear sweet sister Carol was getting married! My daughter (with the recuperating hubby) was in charge of the decorations for the wedding/reception and my sisters wedding dress was totally ruined by the alterations person at the cleaners! So I also was there to work on preparing another dress for her too. My dear husband missed me :), (it is a whole new feeling for him to have ME gone, from a place he is used to having me fill) So on Friday night, he caught a plane and made it in time to dance with me at the wedding Saturday morning! YEAH! What a beautiful and wonderful time we all had. We felt the angels helped things work out well, as my DH was able to escort my sister down the aisle, as he was the oldest male on our side of the family there. We left right after we helped with the cleanup from the wedding and drove all the way to the cottage ( 3 hours and part of the time in a blizzard!) and spent the night in the cottage that was 45 degrees cold when we got there! Sunday morning we realized that in that city, our wards late meeting times would make us miss our plane if we stayed for them, but our kids back in Boise had a 1:00 Sacrament meeting time so we could attend with them. Quickly we grabed things we needed (tools for him, papers for taxes etc) and loaded our daughters truck with furniture she had had to leave there, as it wouldn't fit in their u-haul when they moved to Boise area. We rushed back to Boise in time to go to church with them, then on to the airport. I was exhausted! I doubt there is a single drop of gypsy blood in my body, as I do not really enjoy traveling at all. Trying to sleep on the plane didn't work well, and having to be there so early is tiresome too. Bless my DH heart, that when we arrived that Sunday night in SeaTac he agreed that we stay in a hotel instead of driving 3 more hours back home! I'm so glad he needed to get some parts in Seattle, and this way it saved him time and gas too! Good idea! This is where we saw on the hotel TV in the news about Ron Paul's plan/actions to hijack the delegates. :( Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well that night so Monday morning I was still very tired as I sat in the car, with double coats and blankets packed all over me, mostly sleeping (but doing a little Facebook etc on my wonderful I Phone) while Ray shopped for 2 hours in a Fisheries supply store. Then he drove us the 3 long hours home and I was beginning to cough then. I had had a sore throat off and on in ID but had kept it at bay with Airborne and homeopathic remedies. The next morning I was worse! I didn't have a fever, nor aches and pains but I was just so tired, weak and coughing, coughing coughing! I figured a few days rest and I would be OK, but it wasn't to be. When the next Sunday came and I still wasn't well enough to go to church-- I started to think seriously about why I wasn't getting well. My mother was a trained therapist and I learned a lot from her about how our subconscious can run things! So I asked myself, what was I "sick" about-- what made me feel "sick"? The main thing was the coming summers lack of a good choice for what in the world I would do if Ray was gone fishing another 6 months. Dread the thought! So, I decided to broach that tender (so many times hashed over) subject with my Dear Husband, and Happy DAY! I hadn't realized the implications of what he had told me just before I left-- that Icicle Seafoods had bought out the company that we worked for- SnoPac! Icicle didn't plan to buy herring in Togiak, so my husband had no reason to leave so soon! He might not have any reason to go until the end of June! Also, he told me he had contact with a boat captain that he hoped to get to run our fishing boat so he might not go fish at all! My prayers seemed to be being answered with my hearts desire, but I could just take it bit by bit. "Expect nothing and forgive everything". I was some better the next morning and even did some work on the computer and at the sewing machine, but not all better, as I was still coughing scarey enough to empty a building without yelling fire. :( Also I was still tired as coughing really destroys sleep and already I often have insomnia! I had been working online to spread the word about the delegate hijacking plans of Ron Paul and supporters. I was too sick to go caucus but Ray went, and he saw it happen right in our own little precinct. (He tends to be one that does not make like to "make a stink" and is over trusting.) The person who ran the voting at our table never explained how things worked, nor asked who was for whom, and suddenly we had a RP delegate though the votes tallied up to not have RP in first place. Ray would have totally offered to be the delegate but he wasn't sure he wouldn't be gone to AK. Ray only knew she was a RP supporter as he had watched to see who cheered for whom etc. So, last night, seeing that it seems I will miss a second Sunday in church-- I looked again at what *else* might be causing me to be sick-- (or my immune system to be down) and two things popped up really fast. Actually they are both some to do with the political race for pres and so are somewhat connected. It is all the anti LDS stuff being smeared around because Mitt Romney is a candidate and the whole hijack the delegates thing. I had not felt good enough most days to go online to work to correct some of the bogus things said about our LDS faith-- as I was just so tired and it stressed me more so I couldn't rest. I worked on it when I could though. Well- it didn't seem that there was much more I could do about either of these stress producers, as I was already spreading the hijack news as best I could (and praying that no one would choose to be offended! as even one of our Sons and his wife are Ron Paul Supporters and some in our church too. One person from church had even shared that she believed Mitt was evil and into secret combinations! Sheeish! I was pleased to question our son who is for RP and he totally does not believe that. :) He says he knows Mitt is a good person but our son just likes RP ideas better. Anyway-- so I got proactive and read more about my slightly changed symptoms using the Homeopathic Remedy book and switched to a different remedy and decided to try sleeping in a warmer room. We have felt that we slept better with cold air and had also saved electricity by keeping our door closed. I didn't cough as much in the warmer room :) but I did wake about 2:00am. :( So, when I checked Facebook (what do you do when you can't sleep at night?) I was so pleased to see on a post about Mitt winning the Island votes-- that the commentators were talking about the delegate hijack thing! YES! I can feel some of the weight being lifted off my body! Hope is on the horizon in several things for me now! I even have some of our family planning to come all the way here for our Rochelle's' (former foster/guardianed daughter) wedding in July! I do so hope we still have our family home/castle then! How I would love for them to have good memories from here. :) Oh, I don't know as I shared about that. So now the bank is looking into the foundation leak that has been plaguing us for years as we work with doing one recommended fix after another, but so far it still drips right on your head when it rains hard. There is a new appraisal being done on the castle and an inspector coming to check the condition of the boat shop from building fiberglass and aluminum boats there for about 30 years. Gods will be done, but it is feeling more hopeful too. :) Anyway-- I do still pray to know what is most important for me to do. I dream sometimes that I am helping children feel loved and that they can make choices that will help them to live a happier life. I keep looking for a way to make that dream come true. It is hard when I'm sick and we keep not being very stable in our living arrangements. :( I am still on the list to do foster respite in ID, but not here. The rules are way more strict here, but I will keep looking into what I can do. I am so thankful that I know why we are on the earth, where we came from and what happens when we die. ! It helps me make a more joyful living-- even with the overstress that comes to test and try me. Gods will be done!

"can't stomach" this?

So, I have been having some quite severe stomach pains, off and on and of different levels since Sunday night. I have ruled out the normal things, and now wonder if I am getting an ulcer or Chrons' disease or something. I have noticed it is worse when I feel stressed, and then realized that I have been working to respond to anti LDS distortions=lies now flourishing online in news articles and even more in the comments to them :( . This has greatly increased my stress (as dealing with anti or even hearing anyone use the Lords name in vain ((even in a movie etc)) gives me a slight punch in the stomach feeling)-- ugh! ---- So with the anti LDS now being spread by a member of our family, this was even more, up close and personal to me, it has stressed me W A Y more. I have no problem with anyone sharing what they LIKE about their faith, but I feel there is not need to attack others faith (unless there is a real kool-aid type cult) but LDS is so not like that. Mormonism is easy to leave, encourages family unity and get together, encourages questions and getting to the source with fully seeing all points, has been legally established from the beginning, abt 200 years, not just based on one charismatic leader, doesn't require any to officially/legally donate all their belongings to the group etc etc) Anyway-- back to my point. The anti stuff, even in the presidential campaign, all goes on top of my/our "daily" stresses, dealing with our home being foreclosed on, my husbands commercial fishing business, and him building a skiff, among other things.

purpose of parenting in article about back talk :)

I hope I can past this article! It was on Meridian Magazine. I have appreciated all I have read of her articles. Maybe she has a blog too? They were foster parents, and also on TV took in a super rebellious teens from another country-- and helped them have a change of heart in I think it was two weeks, on reality tv! WOW! Back Talking Cure By Nicholeen Peck Notify me when this author publishesComment on Article Email Author Author Archive Send To a Friend Print Article Bookmark and Share backTalkingBoyQuestion: “How do you stop children from back talking?” Answer: Children talking back, or sassing, to their parents seems to be a behavior many children experiment with. At different phases of development feelings of independence and intelligence emerge causing kids to talk back. Ironically, parents spend lots of energy reinforcing the intelligence of their children, and teaching the children how to think for themselves. If we spend so many years moving our child toward self-governing thoughts and behaviors, why do we care so much about back talking children and back talking teenagers? Respect Respect is a vital part of learning self-government. Without an attitude of respect the child or teenager is doomed to fail in life. Successes in life are built upon successful relationships. Any sales person can tell you this. If a person trusts you and feels appreciated and respected by you, then they will give you more trust, more money, more affection, or more opportunity. Respect is a feeling of trust, acceptance, mercy and love. Families are built on feelings like these. When a parent feels respected she will happily serve a child more and be more willing to sacrifice for the happiness of the child. Likewise, if a parent feels disrespect from the child, she will naturally become more controlling and negative toward the child. Naturally, children offer similar positive and negative rewards to parents who treat them with disrespect. It is imperative that we understand there is a difference between good traditional strict parenting based on solid principles and calm communication, and disrespectful parenting manifested by feelings of disapproval, contention, superiority, and lack of understanding. Respect is a feeling! Aesop Knows Best “The Blind Man And The Whelp” A blind man was accustomed to distinguish different animals by touching them with his hands. The whelp of a wolf was brought him, with a request that he would feel it, and say what it was. He felt it and being in doubt said, “I do not quite know whether is is the cub of a fox, or the help of a wolf; but this I know full well, that it would not be safe to admit him into the sheepfold. The Heart Of Respect At the heart of all behavior problems such as kids talking back, there is a selfish heart. This heart can be felt,even if the child is trying to deny the problem. Just as the blind man could feel the danger of allowing the pup he held in his hands into a sheepfold, we also feel the selfish heart of the child talking back and know the home environment is not safe. Since a selfish heart is at the heart of the back talking problem, that is the first place to focus our energies in order to stop the back talking. This issue with back talking is never about what is said, it is about what is felt. So, as a parent, the first thing to remember is that when a child is talking back, never acknowledge the words being said. The child is attempting to initiate a power struggle, which means you need to have enough self-government not to power struggle back. Hearts rarely change in the middle of an argument. Before you say anything, make sure you check the way you feel. Focus your energy on letting your heart speak to their heart. Practice speaking with love, understanding, and truth. How To Stop Back Talking Focus on your tone, and on reaching their heart. Never talk back to a back talker. Have negative consequences for back talking and do a proper correction. Teach your child how to disagree appropriately before back talking is an issue (proactive parenting is always better than reactive parenting) Praise your child for choosing to disagree appropriately. Disagreeing Appropriately Stephen Covey says, “Seek to understand, then to be understood.” This principle, if understood in childhood, can create an assertive person who is likely to have many leadership positions and successful relationships. To properly disagree appropriately to parents, a child should announce his intentions by saying, “May I disagree appropriately?” Understanding parents always say, “yes” to such an inquiry. Then the youth proceeds to say what he “understands” about what the other person is feeling. After he shows he respects the parent enough to understand where they are coming from, then he shares his perspective of a decision or situation, and his desire for a different decision to be made by the parent. This straight forward, yet humble, approach to disagreeing unites parents and children instead of engaging them in relationship destroying power struggles like standard, selfish disagreements tend to do. The Positive Consequence After a child sees that when he disagrees appropriately he often gets his way, he sees there is an attractive positive consequence for choosing to respect his parents; increased personal freedom. Getting your way is a kind of freedom which shows that the parent trusts the child. When a child feels real trust he is more likely to repeat the respectful behavior which helped him earn that trust. Then the beginning of a respectful relationship is born. It is important that parents remember the point of parenting is to build a long lasting respectful relationship. The point isn't how many cookies a person has had, or what time they go to bed. So, if you take the time to teach your child to disagree appropriately, then make sure they see it often works. This positive consequence will encourage self-government. Which, after all, is what we work so hard at teaching our children each day of their lives. There is no greater gift we can give our children than an environment where self-government is taught, because the greatest battle any of us fight in this life is the battle of choosing to follow the heart over following the body. People who learn to master themselves, can lead others to do the same; which is the essence of greatness in this world. I don't know about you, but that is what I want for my children.Back Talking Cure By Nicholeen Peck Notify me when this author publishesComment on Article Email Author Author Archive Send To a Friend Print Article Bookmark and Share backTalkingBoyQuestion: “How do you stop children from back talking?” Answer: Children talking back, or sassing, to their parents seems to be a behavior many children experiment with. At different phases of development feelings of independence and intelligence emerge causing kids to talk back. Ironically, parents spend lots of energy reinforcing the intelligence of their children, and teaching the children how to think for themselves. If we spend so many years moving our child toward self-governing thoughts and behaviors, why do we care so much about back talking children and back talking teenagers? Respect Respect is a vital part of learning self-government. Without an attitude of respect the child or teenager is doomed to fail in life. Successes in life are built upon successful relationships. Any sales person can tell you this. If a person trusts you and feels appreciated and respected by you, then they will give you more trust, more money, more affection, or more opportunity. Respect is a feeling of trust, acceptance, mercy and love. Families are built on feelings like these. When a parent feels respected she will happily serve a child more and be more willing to sacrifice for the happiness of the child. Likewise, if a parent feels disrespect from the child, she will naturally become more controlling and negative toward the child. Naturally, children offer similar positive and negative rewards to parents who treat them with disrespect. It is imperative that we understand there is a difference between good traditional strict parenting based on solid principles and calm communication, and disrespectful parenting manifested by feelings of disapproval, contention, superiority, and lack of understanding. Respect is a feeling! Aesop Knows Best “The Blind Man And The Whelp” A blind man was accustomed to distinguish different animals by touching them with his hands. The whelp of a wolf was brought him, with a request that he would feel it, and say what it was. He felt it and being in doubt said, “I do not quite know whether is is the cub of a fox, or the help of a wolf; but this I know full well, that it would not be safe to admit him into the sheepfold. The Heart Of Respect At the heart of all behavior problems such as kids talking back, there is a selfish heart. This heart can be felt,even if the child is trying to deny the problem. Just as the blind man could feel the danger of allowing the pup he held in his hands into a sheepfold, we also feel the selfish heart of the child talking back and know the home environment is not safe. Since a selfish heart is at the heart of the back talking problem, that is the first place to focus our energies in order to stop the back talking. This issue with back talking is never about what is said, it is about what is felt. So, as a parent, the first thing to remember is that when a child is talking back, never acknowledge the words being said. The child is attempting to initiate a power struggle, which means you need to have enough self-government not to power struggle back. Hearts rarely change in the middle of an argument. Before you say anything, make sure you check the way you feel. Focus your energy on letting your heart speak to their heart. Practice speaking with love, understanding, and truth. How To Stop Back Talking Focus on your tone, and on reaching their heart. Never talk back to a back talker. Have negative consequences for back talking and do a proper correction. Teach your child how to disagree appropriately before back talking is an issue (proactive parenting is always better than reactive parenting) Praise your child for choosing to disagree appropriately. Disagreeing Appropriately Stephen Covey says, “Seek to understand, then to be understood.” This principle, if understood in childhood, can create an assertive person who is likely to have many leadership positions and successful relationships. To properly disagree appropriately to parents, a child should announce his intentions by saying, “May I disagree appropriately?” Understanding parents always say, “yes” to such an inquiry. Then the youth proceeds to say what he “understands” about what the other person is feeling. After he shows he respects the parent enough to understand where they are coming from, then he shares his perspective of a decision or situation, and his desire for a different decision to be made by the parent. This straight forward, yet humble, approach to disagreeing unites parents and children instead of engaging them in relationship destroying power struggles like standard, selfish disagreements tend to do. The Positive Consequence After a child sees that when he disagrees appropriately he often gets his way, he sees there is an attractive positive consequence for choosing to respect his parents; increased personal freedom. Getting your way is a kind of freedom which shows that the parent trusts the child. When a child feels real trust he is more likely to repeat the respectful behavior which helped him earn that trust. Then the beginning of a respectful relationship is born. It is important that parents remember the point of parenting is to build a long lasting respectful relationship. The point isn't how many cookies a person has had, or what time they go to bed. So, if you take the time to teach your child to disagree appropriately, then make sure they see it often works. This positive consequence will encourage self-government. Which, after all, is what we work so hard at teaching our children each day of their lives. There is no greater gift we can give our children than an environment where self-government is taught, because the greatest battle any of us fight in this life is the battle of choosing to follow the heart over following the body. People who learn to master themselves, can lead others to do the same; which is the essence of greatness in this world. I don't know about you, but that is what I want for my children.

in response to having a nephew send anti LDS stuff to our family

When Ray told me that Jacobs email went to Brinn and Rochelle, I realized that I needed to be sure that my witness was also sent to them (and you all). to be sure that you all have at least an opportunity to read my witness to the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in his restored church. I realized that for me to assume that all of you know the things I know and feel, is a wrong assumption. Whether you read any or all of what I share is entirely up to you, but I will have at least done my part. I am interested in what positive things others have to say about what they believe has had good effects on their life, especially concerning Jesus Christ. What good things such a belief has wrought in their lives and choices, along with what supports they have found for the beliefs. I want to be as open to more truth, from whatever source, as I hope people are to what I have to share. However, I think for someone to send negative stuff to others--- specifically directed against the others personal faith---, is not a very Christian act, unless there is imminent danger (like the Jones cult) or that is leading them to break the 10 commandments etc. If you are fearful for them, ask THEM ab out your fears, and look at the fruits of their faith, or talk to members in good standing, check non biased historical facts etc. Check out on the web “FAIR LDS” for answers to anti, & I have lots of books too. In the Bible, I believe Jesus did not denounce the Samaritans, but made one the hero of a parable. I do nor remember (help me out if you find something?) where Jesus or the apostles spoke so much against others doctrines, as against their ACTIONS, and then it was usually when their OWN group was breaking the commandments, that they were called to repentance. The apostles were to go and preach THEIR gospel, but I don't see where they were to rip on others. If something is the best, and we let others know, they will gravitate to it as they come to see it better than what they have, but the more we denounce others, the harder they will hold on to what they have. What terrible things do others who fight against the church think LDS are doing? What commandments are we teaching others to break? Saul thought he was doing right to persecute the Saints too, as he thought they had corrupted the Jewish faith. When I went to bed last night, I was assuming that the reason I didn't receive any of email from Jacob was, that he was aware that showering me with anti garbage was a waste of time. I just didn't feel like digging through the negative stuff as I have spent much of my life already doing that and so far it has just been the same “pile of poo”, with maybe a few new blobs, but they seem to come from the same source (Satan), smell as bad and have the same basic substance. Also it seems, to continue with my allegory, that much of the contents in the negative propaganda I have dealt with, (ripping down LDS and other churches) was never anything new and enriching to start with, but worse than non food, being more like alcohol or tobacco, which was never meant for the belly, though some “consume” such and get physically/emotionally addicted to it which can ruin their lives, here and hereafter if they don't seek to be healed. There is no need to for instance consume red wine to get the good effect of the whole fresh red grapes, as all that is good can begotten without the alcohol produced from turning it into wine. Such to me is how I think we can go to the scriptures and to God in the teachings of the church for the truth. Yes, we are to seek for good (article of faith 13) but when something comes claiming to be good, but to the very beginning, it is adulterated with anti-- no reason to continue, in my view. Love to all, and may we all make the best choices possible. Gramajane